Life as a government doctor in Malaysia (part 1)

Criterias for becoming a Malaysian Govt Doctor. Theres no need for an aptitude test. Students should consider these requirements:

1. No life outside medicine; this includes dating, sports, clubbing, chores for your parents and visiting the toilet
2. Not to live with your parents. Move out ASAP as they will never understand the ludicrous working hours that u go through. Furthermore, chores are not suitable for u as to rule No. 1.
3. Not to be married until completion of all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service as u will be transferred left and right to some of the most remote Govt clinics in Malaysia. Having wife and kids to follow you to your new working area may increase high level of stress on all parties. Furthermore, if your spouse is a Govt Doctor, he/she will also be transferred away from u and no matter what appeal is made, KKM will put up a deaf ear (unless u have big cables)
4. If married, no to have children until u finish all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service, as to which u and your spouse will not have much time for your child/children or they end up not recognizing u and refer the Indonesian maid as their mother (change in language patterns commonly follow).
5. To obtain life insurance once your govt service begins as there is not many claims for accidents during work. Don’t be fooled, Doctoring in Malaysia is hazardous.
6. Able to withstand 36 hours of non stop work and stress without mistakenly labeling Left for Right or uvula for vulva (or Volvo S40)
7. To buy a car with complete safety features which includes multiple airbags, ABS, EBD, side-front-rear-top-parallel and diagonal impact bars and seat belts to ensure survivability if u are involved in an accident because your driving resembled a drunkard maniac after working in the hospital for 40 hrs non stop.
8. Constant supply of coffee
9. Nicotine Patch as u will have the urge to start smoking due to overwhelming stress
10. Interest in watching medical sitcoms such as House MD, Scrubs, ER, Grays Anatomy and Chicago Hope to inspire u to continue your life as a doctor as the exciting things u see on TV does not resemble the real life of a Malaysian govt doctor.
11. Not to have any pets or plants (not even cactuses) as u will have no time to feed or care for them and eventually all will end up in your mortuary.
12. Able to endure the stench of your own sweat as to when 36 hours “on call” does not permit u time to bathe or freshen up.
13. Able to carry on working without food or water over 15 hours. If during fasting month, able to break your fast with “water for injection” as u had no time to buy food.
14. Able to come to work with fever/cough/illness or physical disability (sprained ankle etc) as to which doctors do not deserve MCs. (My MO was on crutches during rounds)
15. Able to stand scolding, destructive criticism, kiss ass behaviors, racial bias, finger pointing, scape goating, and in competency from your superiors.
16. Able to withstand the jealousy when your friends call u up for some fun and ur stuck in the hospital during on call.

The list goes on. These requirements should be sent out to all doctor wannabes and for them to determine if their life coincides with the Malaysian Medical Health service of doctors under KKM.

[Credits to docfiles and standup]