Feeling blue

Yes I really am feeling blue. Sky is cloudy today. I didn’t get enough sun time as if it’s Autumn in Malaysia.

You can say it’s Monday blues but hey I am having a day off today. Why so blue then?

My grandfather is getting sicker and sicker. He was intubated in Ramadhan for severe respiratory distress, then right when he got back to his feet after raya, he got stroke and currently with poor GCS (not intubated).

As of tomorrow, my closest friend is leaving to his hometown. I truly will miss him a lot.

My parents and my sister are going for Haj pilgrimage by the end of this month.

As if I am disconnected from everyone.

Work is OK. A department less stressful than any other postings I would say. A posting more free.  Which is not inspiring for me, unlike my previous postings which were full of mental stress (surgery), parental stress (paeds) and workload stress (medical). Yes those were inspiring postings because of the stress. Stress drives me to live!

What more with the shift system right now, which gives me more free time. Free time gets me thinking. And my thoughts were a huge mess!

I was even thinking of quitting housemanship to be a real estate negotiator because of good income. Kid you not, I got job offers even! Crazy! But with the possibility of real estate bubble burst, no job security, no income for the first 6 months, I politely declined. What more,  the government will soon announce the salary hike for government servants.

What got me thinking of quitting of being a doctor is that I like to be my own boss, I like to travel and have adventures, I like making big bucks, I like to work and holiday at my own free will.

As I mentioned that I feel disconnected from people these days. Days off make me more miserable than working days! Busy work is a very good distraction for me. So I am still holding on to being a doctor, for now.

Shift is not helping. Too much free time. Shift sucks.

Still feeling blue…. It’s Autumn in my heart.


5 thoughts on “Feeling blue

  1. I am a penultimate year medical student, and I have not been able to see myself working as a doctor for more than two years now. There have been times when I saw the beauty of medicine (how it is selfless and rewarding), but these are few and far in between, and most of the time, my mind is occupied by things completely unrelated to medicine, i.e. my future travels, business ideas. Your fourth paragraph from the bottom really struck a chord with me, and it comforts me (a little) to know that there are medics, doctors out there who doubt their careers in medicine.

    It’s difficult, isn’t it? All the time and money spent on a medical education… We cannot possibly just not want to become doctors. On the other hand, why is it so hard to treat a medical degree like any other university degree? In that it is a university qualification, that should allow us to work in many fields and industries other than medicine.

    Forgive me for ranting.

    If you could go back in time, would you, Efenem and other medic/doctor readers, have chosen a career in medicine? If not, and let’s say you can do absolutely anything at all (with all jobs paying the same salary), what would you do?

    I’ll answer first 🙂 If I could be anything, I’d want to be a hotelier!

  2. Dear efenem, I’m a medical graduate and I must say we doctors share a great deal of doubt and mixed feelings about our career in our lives… I can absolutely relate to your post as I’m experiencing similar feelings and ideas… It’s a pity that after all those hard years of studying (for example 8 years to become a GP in Iran) we still don’t feel happy and secure financially and as we’ve spent most of our times working and studying we don’t have much to say in our personal-intimate- lives either…
    I really really really feel tired but there’s still so much that has to be done because I have to prepare for the USMLE exams…
    All said, your not alone. We all have our doubts ad we are only human.I Wish you and all the other doctors around the world luck…

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