Yes I really am feeling blue. Sky is cloudy today. I didn’t get enough sun time as if it’s Autumn in Malaysia.
You can say it’s Monday blues but hey I am having a day off today. Why so blue then?
My grandfather is getting sicker and sicker. He was intubated in Ramadhan for severe respiratory distress, then right when he got back to his feet after raya, he got stroke and currently with poor GCS (not intubated).
As of tomorrow, my closest friend is leaving to his hometown. I truly will miss him a lot.
My parents and my sister are going for Haj pilgrimage by the end of this month.
As if I am disconnected from everyone.
Work is OK. A department less stressful than any other postings I would say. A posting more free. Which is not inspiring for me, unlike my previous postings which were full of mental stress (surgery), parental stress (paeds) and workload stress (medical). Yes those were inspiring postings because of the stress. Stress drives me to live!
What more with the shift system right now, which gives me more free time. Free time gets me thinking. And my thoughts were a huge mess!
I was even thinking of quitting housemanship to be a real estate negotiator because of good income. Kid you not, I got job offers even! Crazy! But with the possibility of real estate bubble burst, no job security, no income for the first 6 months, I politely declined. What more, the government will soon announce the salary hike for government servants.
What got me thinking of quitting of being a doctor is that I like to be my own boss, I like to travel and have adventures, I like making big bucks, I like to work and holiday at my own free will.
As I mentioned that I feel disconnected from people these days. Days off make me more miserable than working days! Busy work is a very good distraction for me. So I am still holding on to being a doctor, for now.
Shift is not helping. Too much free time. Shift sucks.
Still feeling blue…. It’s Autumn in my heart.